The bureaucracy pipeline is a dream for every budding artist in Pakistan. But it’s not easy to make it big in the land of PEMRA’s watchful eye and a disenchanted populace. Big Brother is watching you, and as an artist, you want to be noticed. In order to be recognised as an artist in Pakistan, you need to follow a few steps to ensure that every last vestige of your identity screams: government-certified.
Step 1
Never call yourself an artist. Instead, refer to yourself as a multidisciplinary creative associate. The lengthier the title, the better. You don’t want people to undermine your work by calling you an artist. If you make the mistake of using this label, then be prepared to be seen as a Karachi nepo-baby. You want people to think that your work actually holds some weight without actually doing anything. Fancy words and distractions are a crucial key for fooling the government into thinking that your work matters.
Step 2
Make sure to present yourself as a diaspora Pakistani who studied art and design in the US and is now curating cultural showpieces. Present yourself as a Pakistani but a distant, detached, sophisticated Pakistani who wants to show the West something niche and handcrafted from interior Sindh. Never visit interior Sindh on your own; just act like you really care about the art that is produced there. Take a few pictures of artisans working in the sweltering heat and post them on social media to appease the Western audience. The government loves it when “artists” are promoting local diversity in an isolated manner.
Step 3
Steal from local artisans but don’t call it stealing. For example, you’re not using traditional needlework from Chitral as the basis for your work. You are using the diverse cultural landscape of Pakistan to uphold and value your traditions. Using blanket terms and vague language is very important because you don’t want people to actually know where you are stealing from. Gatekeeping is also very important. Everything needs to feel exclusive. As an artist, you need to act like you discovered the local crafts and have full ownership of the practice.
Step 4
Truck art needs to be everywhere. Forget about the local artists who actually paint truck art; they don’t exist. Just use their designs, change a few things and present the truck art as your love for Pakistani culture. Bonus points if you turn your “original” truck art design into an expensive T-shirt or a cheaply made poster. Making money from someone else’s work is the most government-certified thing that you can do as an “artist”. As always, your unique, diaspora voice needs to be at the forefront of everything that you do. Sell Multani Blue Pottery in your online store but don’t reveal that you are getting your stock from Temu.
Step 5
Make use of AI to create desi versions of popular culture. A government-certified artist never creates anything on their own. Using AI is a brilliant way to let the world know that you are comfortable with using modern technology and definitely not like other “artists”. Make sure to hop on any AI trend that is popular at the moment. You can also use AI to create aesthetic images of Baloch women making embroidery. This way you can continue to pretend to care about local artisans without actually doing any groundwork.
And there you have it. Following these steps is bound to land at least a few lucky “artists” in the greasy world of controlled media.
